You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
