You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
