I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize