yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
