I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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