and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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