Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
