don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize