PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
