I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
