6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
