dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
