Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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