maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
