my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
