strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
