margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
