how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
