your parents love me but you hate me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
