Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
