She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
