my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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