I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize