Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
