My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Mom said you looked used
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
