i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
