I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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