so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize