I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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