Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And then he peed in my hair
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
