I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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