WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
