4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
where am i from again
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
