The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You took a bar mat shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize