we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
