dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize