and you said cock pushups were impossible
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
