I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
