Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize