shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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