Your face is a jimmy john
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
