So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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