I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
