Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
