i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
