Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
