I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
