I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
