so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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