she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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