toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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