Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
