I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
