His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are all done wearing pants today
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
