Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
