he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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