Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
