At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
