she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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