im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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