Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
