I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
