Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize