We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
