We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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