why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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