Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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