and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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