Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
