I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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