Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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