Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
