Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
