Don't you send me to vm
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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