I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
