if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
