He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
