If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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