No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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