he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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