I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
