just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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