i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
