i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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