that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize