You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
