Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
