She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
