how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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