I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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