There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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