please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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