seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
