and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
