Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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