i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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