No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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