we have pet lesbian snakes
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
