I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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