My room smells like vodka and shame
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize