Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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