you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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